How bloody annoying. Unless you have a pair of scissors on you (which would be unwise given today's tougher laws on carrying knives) you can't properly enjoy a Mars bar or Marathon bar, or the like, while out and about. Why? Because of the bloody wrapper. How are you supposed to open these things with an ounce of decorum? There are lots of ways of opening them poorly that's for sure, all by splitting at the pinked end longitudinally. Bah. You always end-up with the pinked end of a flappy bit of damn plastic wrapper pokin' in yer face while you're trying to chow down on your favourite choccy bar, which severely detracts you from that opulent emersive enjoyment. And if you can't fully enjoy your chocolate bar then it's a waste, because if you're eating all that sugar, and so putting on all that weight, then you want to make sure you get 100% enjoyment out of the experience, don't you? I'm sure this annoys me much more than many readers because I remember the supposedly low tech old days when Mars bars came in waxed paper wrappers, and you could rip this low tech wrapper neatly across one end of the chocolate bar, almost as neatly and simply as if you cut it with a pair of scissors. I don't know why they moved to plastic wrappers, maybe it's cheaper... I can't imagine it was to increase the shelf life because these chocolate bars are so high in sugar that they are practically impervious to all microbiological activity, I certainly never had a stale Mars bar even in the seventies. So Mars, and other manufacturers, please bring back the waxed paper wrappers so that folk can enjoy your products in the proper civilised way with out distraction, properly emersed in a seeming eon of choccy yummy abstraction.
And actually, taking the above photo caused me to take a proper criticlal look at a modern Mars bar for the first time and it is striking how the plasic wrapper makes it look really cheap and tacky.
On last thing while I'm on the subject of chocolate bars: I heard new evidence on Radio 4 the other day on the 'size of Curly Whirlys' debate and how people think they used to be much bigger in the olden days. Apparently they had an old Curly Whirly wrapper on the set on Life on Mars as a prop, and apparently they could fit four of the modern Curly Whirlys in it! Another example of the decay in standards of modern choccy bars. Even before such compelling evidence, I was convinced that they were indeed much bigger before, and I wholly rejected the argument that they just seemed bigger when you were a child because you yourself were smaller... a very poor argument because I was a six foot or over strapping lad during most of secondary school. Bah.
Two cool progs on the box starting this week. One of them you will like or love (or hate) as much as you do this blog because it consists of similar rantings: for example the whinge I had on this blog about the demise of respect for content by the very TV companies that broadcast the programmes (highlighted by them always talking, practically shouting, over the outro music) was quite similar to #47... although the TV show is all TV-centric so Mars bar wrappers are unlikely to feature, alas. The show is 'Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe' on BBC4 10:30 Tuesdays... A bit like Harry Hill's TV Burp on acid... both kinds of acid come to think of it because when he gets in full swing it's like Brooker is on an acid trip whilst chewing unripe lemons -- things can get pretty sour.
And actually, taking the above photo caused me to take a proper criticlal look at a modern Mars bar for the first time and it is striking how the plasic wrapper makes it look really cheap and tacky.
On last thing while I'm on the subject of chocolate bars: I heard new evidence on Radio 4 the other day on the 'size of Curly Whirlys' debate and how people think they used to be much bigger in the olden days. Apparently they had an old Curly Whirly wrapper on the set on Life on Mars as a prop, and apparently they could fit four of the modern Curly Whirlys in it! Another example of the decay in standards of modern choccy bars. Even before such compelling evidence, I was convinced that they were indeed much bigger before, and I wholly rejected the argument that they just seemed bigger when you were a child because you yourself were smaller... a very poor argument because I was a six foot or over strapping lad during most of secondary school. Bah.
Two cool progs on the box starting this week. One of them you will like or love (or hate) as much as you do this blog because it consists of similar rantings: for example the whinge I had on this blog about the demise of respect for content by the very TV companies that broadcast the programmes (highlighted by them always talking, practically shouting, over the outro music) was quite similar to #47... although the TV show is all TV-centric so Mars bar wrappers are unlikely to feature, alas. The show is 'Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe' on BBC4 10:30 Tuesdays... A bit like Harry Hill's TV Burp on acid... both kinds of acid come to think of it because when he gets in full swing it's like Brooker is on an acid trip whilst chewing unripe lemons -- things can get pretty sour.
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Update: Coincidentally although Mars bar wrappers were not discussed on Screenwipe, Charlie did scathe the TV advertizing industry in show number 2 in which there was an old Mars bar advert showing the old glorious wax paper wrappers. I took a screen shot but sadly for younger readers you can't very well see how much more classy the old wrappers were, but here it is anyway:
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The other programme to look-out for is Outnumbered on Saturday evenings on BBC1. Not that I have children of my own, but from what I have experienced visiting others, it seems to capture the random mild chaos of family life very well, where as children on other sitcoms are all a bit too smooth and organized.
2 comments:
You know Zeppotron have commissioned a current affairs version of ScreenWipe called NewsWipe, with Brooker in charge again. Ought to be HaveIGotNewsForYou style great.
Incidentally what are your thoughts on Hole In The Wall (BBC1 Sat 5:35pm)?
What do I think of Hole in The Wall? Interesting question. When I saw it listed in the TV guide as presented by Dale Winton, I imagined it would be something like Super Market Sweep, perhaps where contestants were given an amount of cash to spend on some sort of timed mad-dash shopping spree, for which they get and amount of cash from a cash machine, AKA a 'hole in the wall'.... but no, instead what greeted me one Saturday, upon happening to switch-on part way through the said programme, was six assorted celebs shrink-wrapped in silver spandex standing around arguing amongst themselves as to who would be going next...but next for what? I could not imagine.... then I saw... 'OK...that's different', I thought. Well, after the initial culture shock, I kind of enjoy watching about ten minutes of it a week, it makes a change, although I couldn't watch a whole show I don't think. It has its niche and it's nice to see a bit of diversity on TV. From what I have seen of 'Hole in the Wall' I think it would be improved a bit by them giving the contestants a fair amount of time to practice before the show because they seem slightly too hopeless ... I know you need an element of unskillfulness for amusement value but it would also be nice to see a really brave well timed and well formed jump though one of the more complex shapes (something like a shape for a star jump for example). Anyway, I would have loved to have been there when the person who thought of the idea for the programme was pitching it to TV executives, I'm sure some sketches would have been necessary.
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